I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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