it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
