It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
