Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
