I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
