I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
