Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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