she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
