"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
