Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
