Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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