Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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