I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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