Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
