I will die if light touches me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
bring money and cleavage
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
