The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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