Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
