I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
