I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
