Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
