Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
