Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
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My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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