I will die if light touches me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
