So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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