I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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