I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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