you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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