He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
