i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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