i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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