My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
