My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
