Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
