dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
