It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
