Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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