I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
