mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
