Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
