His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
