im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
