sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize