Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
