What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
