I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
