I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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