You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
