i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
