Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
