I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
