Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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