just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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