Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We left the knife in your bed.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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