every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
