I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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