just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
