Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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