3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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