Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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