i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
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Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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