Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Pappa wants mamma naked
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
