her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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