Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
