don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
